I'm trying to work through some things. This is not a blog post that will be logical or follow my usual essay-like pattern. This is a post to process.
I moved to a new state and city 16 years ago. I had a few friends in the area, and never really felt connected to the city in which I had just lived. Nor did I feel particularly connected to the place I grew up. I missed my old friends, but I didn't miss the area. Or maybe I didn't miss the memories.
I moved into a fourplex apartment building in what some might consider a rough neighborhood. But to me, it felt like home. It felt like a fresh start. But despite having a few friends in the area, it felt lonely too.
Shortly after moving in, my next door neighbor Iain introduced himself. I could tell right off the bat that Iain was a character. He had this big personality. I knew immediately that I liked him. He was always working on the building grounds; working in the yard to plant or place beautiful plants or decorations. He wasn't hired to do that, he just loved making the world beautiful. He loved working with plants and gardens. He loved showing pride in the space where he lived. He had such a beautiful apartment. My cat Stewie became quick friends with Iain's dog Jaques.
Iain could also tell that I was struggling financially, trying to make my new life work. He gave me things to spruce up my apartment, and took me out to lunch. He was so inviting, and I really felt like he had taken me under his wing.
The summer after I moved in, Iain organized this whole building party in the back yard of the apartment. I thought it was just going to be the residents and friends having a small gathering with a few drinks, but Iain made it into such an amazing event. He bought a pool for us to utilize, and built a Tiki stand with light decorations, and oh the food. He put together so much food, recruiting me and another person new to the building to set it all up. I had never experienced something so fun, put together in such a short time.
That same year at Thanksgiving, I couldn't afford to go home. Iain found out and invited me and a few of my friends to join him and another friend at their house. Iain didn't blink an eyelash at helping host a group of young people. The whole evening was so warm and special to me.
In short, Iain filled my lonely world with light and color and beauty. At the end of my year lease, Iain and I both moved out of the apartment building, going our separate ways. But we always promised to keep in touch. And we did touch based a couple of times...
But, at this point, it's been a long time since I've seen Iain. I've kept up with him on social media, and I've done what I could to help support him during his health struggles in the past few years. But we never got a chance to reconnect like we'd always planned. Life always seemed to get in the way. And now, he's gone. He's gone, and I don't have a way to say that I'm so sorry that I didn't make the time. I'm so sorry that I took for granted some future space where everything just worked out, and he would get to meet my kids. He would get to see that he played a role in how much I loved living here. If it hadn't been for Iain's kindness the first year that I lived here, I'm not sure I would have stayed.
I guess there's still a part of me that believes in fate. There were so many contributing factors that lead to me moving here. But Iain will always be part of why I stayed. And for that, I will always be grateful. Iain, I hope you are at peace. I hope that you know that you are loved. I hope you know that you will be missed. And I hope one day, we will meet again.
No comments:
Post a Comment