2023 NYE Post

Journal Prompt: Lessons I learned in 2023, and what I want to bring into 2024.

It's easy to look back at the past year and think, well, it was just another year. But there are always changes, and always things to reflect on. And while I didn't have any major life events in 2023, it was still quite eventful for me.

This past year, I continued to experience the joy of watching my amazing two little ones grow, and learn, and teach me about the type of parent I want to be. While I am instrumental in shaping their growth, they are absolutely instrumental in shaping mine. The inspire me to endeavor to do better - both for them and myself. They inspire me to look inside and figure out why I am the way I am. And this year there was a lot to unpack.

I learned about Shadow Work this year, which if you are unfamiliar sounds scary... and well, depending on your past trauma, it kind of is; however, it's really another term for connecting to your past or hidden self, doing the inner work, and really digging into what positive intent those versions of yourself, those past selves, those selves we either bury, ignore, hide, and yet are so intrinsically connected to us that they do have so much influence in defining us... And all that defining could mean that they are holding us back in some way or keeping us from some kind of positive intent.

I spend so much time ruminating on the past, especially the mistakes I've made; the things I could have, would have, should have said or done. But I don't always spend a lot of time forgiving myself. I don't take the time to accept those past selves or the past moments that I'm not proud of as being in the past; determine how I can move forward, and even loving those versions of myself. This work I've been doing, has really helped me not only identify and work with my triggers, but to move forward in a self-loving way.

I really learned in 2023 was to do the inner work. To not only acknowledge the past in a clinical, sort of analytical way, but to really hone into it on a spiritual level. And while I know I still have so much more to do; I feel like I've discovered things I wouldn't have even considered before. And it's hard at times, it's especially hard for me to allow myself to let the past, the trauma, the grief in, to feel these things in an accepting loving sort of way; however, it's really beautiful too.

So, just like past years, I'm thinking about the things I want to bring into the New Year, what my intentions for the New Year are, and this year I’m also thinking about what I want to leave behind. What I'm endeavoring to leave behind is resentment, self-depreciation, and repressing my feelings. What I'm endeavoring to bring into the New Year is a sense of peacefulness. My intentions for the year are to live a peaceful as possible life, both in my head and in my home. My intentions for the new year are to be present in the cozy moments, to appreciate those moments my children are snuggling with me on the couch, or wanting me to play with them, and to just get up and play! The news, the memes, the inner chatter, it can all just wait while I take the time to just be in the moment with my kids and grow with them.

My intention for this year also includes getting better at visualization (I mediate daily, but my random thoughts are so distracting, and my daydreams often take over that I can often only use guided meditations) and continue being generally present in the moment with myself too.

I've also spent some time this year re-connecting with my spiritual side in general. It's been really beautiful, and I'm really intrigued by continuing to explore this side of myself. My intention for the new year is also to explore this spiritual path further with a sense of wonder and appreciation.

I watched a video recently where a creator advised that instead of resolutions, they assign a word for the year. Each month, they reflect back on that word and how they accomplished it in the prior month. While I personally think of what I'm bringing into the new year as intentions, I like this idea too. Thinking about this, I think the word I would like to assign to the upcoming year is "growth". Personal growth, growth in my career, growth in my spiritual path.

So, there it all is. What did you learn in 2023? What are you brining into 2024?

It doesn’t heal

(Work in progress)

Time does not heal all wounds

The load does not lighten

I may have grown stronger, in a sense

I may not appear to be carrying much at all

But the load remains the same weight

Some days I carry the load uphill

My knees buckle

My body burns

My body yearns for release

So I let myself release

But the load remains the same weight

Some days I carry the load over long distances

My knees endure 

My body yearns

My body weathers it all

So I let myself go on

But the load remains the sand weight

Some days I carry the load through storms

My knees fail 

My body says it can’t take anymore

So I tell myself to keep going

And the load remains the same weight

I will never stop believing you should still be here

I know that’s not what you would have wanted

I will never let go of you, my tribute to you, my grief paid

I know that’s not what you would have wanted

But the load remains the same weight

I’m not ready

I love you

I miss you

And the load remains the same weight.