Blinders

Every morning I like to wake up by drinking a cup of coffee and reading my Social Media feed. I start with a list I've made called 'Close Friends' (guess who's on that list), and then I look at my Pages feed. In the past year, the Pages feed, which is comprised of anything from comic creators to news articles, has been incredibly stressful to read. Even if I unfollowed every news page, the other people I follow would likely keep me abreast of every political and disastrous thing going on in the world. And I worry. I worry about the world I'm bringing my daughter into. I worry about how the current political environment will not only impact me as a middle class American, but how it will impact those in less fortunate circumstances.

I'm kind of prone to worry (anxiety) anyways... okay, scratch that. Let's be honest here. I have a generalized anxiety disorder that I manage through meditation and sometimes I don't manage it well it at all. I don't begrudge anyone that goes the medication route. Hell, I tried that route for a period of time, and simply found that I didn't like the result. So personally, I try to manage it by checking in with myself daily, meditating, staying present, and the overall tenants I have learned in cognitive therapy. I haven't been to counseling in a few years, but I know that at some point in my life, I will be back. And I'm not afraid or ashamed of that. That, to put simply, is what it is (a phrase I say often).

So what do I do with all of this worry? People tell me it's unnecessary. People have told me, even before I became pregnant, that I should unfollow all these pages that are causing me to worry. People tell me now that I am pregnant, it is especially important that I unfollow all of these pages that are stressing me out and causing me to ask these questions. Admittedly, sometimes I do just keep scrolling when I see something truly horrific on my screen... but most often, I don't, especially when human suffering is involved.

But here's the thing - While I don't want my anxiety to get worse, or to worry about everything and everyone, or attempt to put the world on my shoulders; I don't want to put on blinders either. What kind of mother would I be if I didn't keep the world in my view and prepare my daughter for it? And if I did start blocking out everything, what if I missed those all too important moments of good in the world? If I had stopped reviewing my Pages feed, I would have missed some wonderful stories of human triumph this very morning. This very morning a comic creator I follow posted something wonderful, and I shared it, and maybe someone else will read it and they will feel inspired too. Or maybe not, but it was an awesome story I am so glad I read anyways.

I don't live in a world of absolutes. I live in a world of wonder and 'what ifs', and beauty; and sometimes that world is also a world of destruction and horror and suffering. Sometimes I can help; either by donating time or the little bit of money I afford myself to donate to what I feel are worthy causes. Sometimes I am helpless (which is by the way my least favorite thing in the world) aside from who I choose to vote for, or sharing these things - not to horrify others - but to keep others informed as well. I don't want to pass my anxiety or stress on, but I think it's important we all stay informed.

Life is a balance, so I will continue to maintain my own balance with blinders off... at least for as long as I am able.